Here
Siana-Lea Gildard
When belief doesn't exist
I have nothing to confess
No one or thing to confess to
The eyes of youth are clouded
hardened erased
And now I find myself here
The sweet smiles and laughter
have turned to bitter smirks and sarcastic guffaws
I have broken down God
broken down systems
destroyed illusion
And now I find myself here
in a confessional that doesn't have a priest
Staring at a book that was written by men
and asks me to be subservient to its patriarchy
Accept God as father and son
Accept my inability to never be like god
Silly feminist, you have ovaries
And now I find myself here
Oh to be able to weep at the loss of comfort
I used to be able to pray
But the futility of prayer has replaced that desire
People suffer and die
And like Faustus I too realize that I cannot stop death with the study of medicine
or the euphoric drug of prayer
Even the freshness of anger is gone
And now I find myself here
Left with the aftermath of my own war
no solution
no winner
I am my own Hiroshima
The bomb of doubt that can destroy all life and hope has been dropped on me
by me
And now I find myself here
A gasping survivor of my war
a guiltless confessor
writhing yet somehow intact
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